Upside Down
by Hayesfever
Summary: Sara's life is about to be turned upside down! COMPLETED
1. Crime Scene

Crime Scene Investigation

Title: Upside Down

Author: Hayesfever

Pairing:G/S

Summary: Sara's life is about get turned upside down.

Spoilers: Most of season 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything! It's so sad!

* * *

As Sara Sidle approached the crime scene tape, and looked to the house beyond, she was struck by how normal and safe these surroundings seemed. But she knew that looks can be deceiving. She knew this from her own experiences in life. 

On the surface this CSI seemed to be your average workaholic, but underneath it all she was plagued by horrible memories of a not so pleasant childhood.

Just like the brunette CSI, this house has its own secrets locked inside. Secrets that Sara was determined to uncover, for the sake of the victim and her own individual need for justice.

As she walked into the seemingly normal suburban house, she had no idea her world was about to be turned upside down.

* * *

As she entered the living room, Sara was immediately assaulted with the sight of her supervisor's backside. Normally she would be thrilled with this, but not when she had a clear view of the bloodied corpse that Grissom was bent over. 

The victim was sprawled on her side, blood pooling around her head. Most disturbing of all was the brain matter within the blood, which had been blown out of the victim's skull along with a .38mm bullet.

"I think it's safe to say that she died instantly" Grissom spoke, sensing her presence behind him.

"Ya think", she replied sarcastically. This was a common occurrence between the Night Shift CSIs, friendly banter to lighten the mood and to keep the reality of the case from hitting hard. But of late, with the hassle of staff changes and Ecklie's promotion, these jokes and comments had been few and far between, especially from Grissom.

Happy to see that their relationship was returning to normal so soon after her confession, her mood brightened and she gladly returned Grissom's sarcasm.

Sara turned as she heard cursing from her spiky haired partner as he tripped over the upturned rug as he entered the room. Luckily he was able to catch himself before he went face first into the coffee table and ended up in the hospital, if not from the fall then from the damage Grissom would inflict if he compromised the evidence.

Grissom turned to the young CSI and glared. This resulted in a fit of giggles from Sara and a shrug from Greg.

"Sorry I'm late boss, I got stuck in traffic" Greg said as Sara turned back to the corpse and began taking photographs.

As Sara was taking the last of her crime scene photos, David appeared in the doorway.

"Are you ready for me yet?" he questioned the three.

At Grissom's nod, he entered the room, body bag clutched under his arm, and with the help of an assistant, packed and transported the body to an awaiting van.

"If the two of you will finish here, I'm going to go check out the rest of the house" Grissom said before leaving and taking the police officer with him.

"So Greg, lay it out".

Armed with a flashlight he peered around the room before speaking. "Well, according to Brass, our victim, Tracey Hughes, lives here with her boyfriend Mick Reid. His RAP sheet shows that he has been in jail for heroine possession and assault in '96. So I figure, he gets home, high as a kite, she does something to piss him off. As he goes for his gun, she runs in here, tripping over the rug, where he jumps her and shoots her in the head."

He paused to think, before commenting "I'd say this is not his first assault on the victim."

Happy with his analysis of the scene, Sara turned and began closing her kit to move to another room.

"Uh, Sara…" Greg stammered.

"Your analysis was good Greg. Don't worry your doing great. And I won't tell anyone about your near accident with the carpet before" Sara teased.

She didn't even realize something was wrong until she turned and came face to face with the barrel of a gun.


	2. Tense Situations

_She didn't even realize something was wrong until she turned and came face to face with the barrel of a gun._

She froze instantly, not wanting to aggravate the man with his arm around Greg's neck and gun pointed directly at her.

"Mick Reid" Sara spoke, assuming this man to be their suspect.

She noticed the man's slur and confusion as he replied "Yeah, wha..what the hell are you doin' in my house?"

Sara frowned, before realizing that this man was so wasted he didn't even remember the murder he had committed mere hours before.

"Well, Mick, can I call you Mick?" The man did nothing but glare so she continued. "There was an accident in your house tonight".

Realizing that she should probably not tell this man they were with the police, she chose another tactic, "The hospital asked us to come over and check that everyone here was okay".

She hoped that if he could forget a murder, he would not be alert enough to question her.

"So it seems that you're fine, so my partner and I will leave".

Reid did not loosen his hold on Greg, instead his attention shifted to the gun on Sara's belt.

Sara cursed under her breath as he said "what kinda paramedic has a gun?"

He shifted his hold, and Greg yelped as the man's arm put pressure on his wind pipe. Sara looked to Greg's face, which was contorted in pain and fear.

Sara cursed herself for being so careless, for not being more attentive and putting Greg in danger. Even though the gun was pointed at her, she was more concerned with Greg's safety, both physically and mentally. As it was not the first time Greg had been endangered at work and she shuddered at the memory of that day. Images of fire, of Greg lying unconscious among the debris, memories of the pain as she hit the wall, flashed through her mind.

It was with that memory of the lab explosion that she also remembered her encounter with the suspect shortly after, as well as the incident with a suspect and his shotgun. Both times she had escaped with no shots being fired. She feared that this would not be the case this time.

It was at that moment that Grissom called down from upstairs. "Sara, can I have some assistance in here?"

Mick's attention was diverted from her as he scanned the ceiling, believing it to be who had spoken. Sara would have found that funny, if not for the circumstances.

She took the opportunity to reach for her gun and pull it from her holster.

Greg looked relieved, that is until Mick recovered and seeing that Sara was now armed, placed the gun to Greg's forehead.

_

* * *

_

_"Sara, can I have some assistance in here?" _

Grissom had just finished searching the study and bathroom and had moved onto the bedroom.

After seeing that this was the room where the altercation had begun, evident by the overturned furniture and blood on the floor, Grissom called for help, hoping that enough had been done downstairs for Greg to continue on his own while Sara helped him upstairs.

He waited patiently for a reply or for the sound of footsteps on the stairs but only heard quiet chatter coming from downstairs.

He was beginning to regret his decision to have Sara shadow Greg while he was training. The two where becoming closer and as a result he worried that their effectiveness as a team might suffer. He scolded himself as he realized that his jealousy was rearing its ugly head.

The real reason he objected to their friendship was because he no longer got to see that side of Sara. The side of her that was not tormented by her horrible past, which was not withdrawn from the world.

They no longer had that friendship that they had before she moved to Vegas. He knew that it was his fault, that he had pushed her away and as a result destroyed any possibilities at a romantic life as well as their friendship.

They still had their moments, like earlier, where they could joke and everything would seem normal, but then he would do or say something to screw it up and Sara would withdraw back into her well constructed shell.

Grissom wished that he could still make Sara smile and laugh as Greg seemed to do.

Realizing that he had been sitting there thinking to himself for minutes and had not yet received a reply from Sara, he stood and headed downstairs to break up the two and enquire about their process.

* * *

To anyone who didn't know her, Sara looked calm and in control. But Greg, being someone who had known her for five years, knew that inside, she was scared. He could tell by her rigid stance and her intense stare.

Sara's gun was now aimed somewhere behind his head.

Greg knew she could not make the shot in her current position.

Another bolt of fear ran through him as he came to this conclusion. It finally dawned on Greg that he might not survive this, if the arm around his throat and muzzle held tightly to his head were any indication.

Sara broke the silence. "If you just let him go, we'll leave and everyone will be safe. Please..don't do anything drastic."

Greg realized that Sara was begging for his life.

Never since he had known her had he seen her plead. She usually just threatened and glared until she got what she wanted. He was oddly touched that her demeanor had changed so drastically when he was in danger.

She took a step forward, gun still held firmly, and Mick roughly pulled Greg to the side, twisting Greg's arm in the protest. Greg heard an audible 'pop' as his shoulder dislocated. He let out a groan of pain and felt tears forming in his eyes.

Sara looked on helplessly.

Sara heard movement coming from her right. From the corner of her eye she could see Grissom descending the stairs. She mentally pleaded for him to keep walking, to not interrupt the tense stand-off.

As Grissom entered the room and reached for his gun, Mick removed the gun from Greg's temple, preparing to fire.

Sensing her chance, Sara's finger tightened on the trigger.

Two shots rang out, breaking the silence that had formed over the small house.


	3. Blood

_Two shots rang out, breaking the silence that had formed over the small house._

As the body of Mick Reid fell to the ground, Greg twisted himself from his arms and reached out to break his fall. He winced in pain as his sore shoulder took the full force of the impact.

Still dazed, Greg peered up from his position on the floor, only to see a troubling sight.

Before him, Sara stood, obviously in shock, with her gun still aimed where Mick had been standing. As Grissom approached and pried the gun from her fingers, Sara collapsed against him and his arms enclosed around her in a comforting embrace.

It was then that Greg noticed the blood flowing freely from her abdomen.

* * *

Grissom pulled his hand away from Sara, to see it covered in blood.

Panicking, he began yelling for the officer on scene to call for help.

His focus shifted back to Sara and he noticed that her eyes were unfocused and her face was pale. Her adrenaline had finally worn off leaving her body to feel the full effect of the gunshot.

His hands searched her abdomen, looking for the source of the blood. When his hand finally came in contact with the whole in her side, she winced and tried to pull away from him.

"Please don't move, honey, I need to stop the bleeding". He applied pressure to her wound and began to curse as the blood leaked from in between his fingers.

He remembered Greg was still in the room when he approached from behind, handed Grissom a torn piece of fabric and moved to gently stroke Sara's hair.

Grissom looked to Greg gratefully, before pressing the fabric to Sara's wound.

"Hey Sara, stay with us okay" Greg pleaded tearfully. Grissom felt guilty for his earlier thoughts as he realized the feelings Greg had for Sara, how strong their friendship had become.

"Shit, where the hell is the ambulance?" Grissom screamed out as Sara began to cough violently. Blood began to dribble from her mouth.

Grissom could only stare in fright.

* * *

"_Please don't move, honey, I need to stop the bleeding"._

Through the haze she was confined in, Sara could hear Grissom talking, but could barely make out what he was saying. She felt the sharp pain, only made worse by his hands, and squirmed in response.

Greg seemed to appear from nowhere and began stroke her hair. Sara blinked rapidly before looking up at him. She could see tears in his eyes and instantly felt guilty for making him sad.

"Hey Sara, stay with us okay". Sara nodded and Greg smiled down at her.

She felt her body getting weaker as blood continued to flow. As a scientist she knew that the body couldn't survive after a certain amount of blood loss. She did not, however, remember how much she could lose before her heart slowed and then stopped.

She shook her head, trying to remove these thoughts from her head, but only managed to send a jolt of pain surging through her body.

As liquid, undoubtedly blood, began to fill her airway, she coughed violently, gasping for air. She heard Grissom screaming again, his loud voice sending more pain throughout her aching head.

She wanted to sleep and her eyes began to close. She didn't know how much time had passed before more voices joined those of her friends, pleading for her to stay awake, and she was carefully, but painfully lifted from the ground.

* * *

So, that's the end of chapter 3. What do you think?


	4. Waiting

Catherine Willows, Swing shift supervisor, had only just entered the CSI building when her phone began to ring.

Seeing Grissom's name flashing on the screen, she picked up, "Hey Gil."

"Catherine" Grissom spoke before pausing.

"Is something wrong Gil, are you okay?" Catherine responded, becoming panicked at her former supervisor's unnatural silence.

Grissom seemed to finally pull himself together, only to completely shock Catherine with his revelation. "Catherine, I'm at Desert Palms. There was an accident at our crime scene. Sara and Greg are hurt."

Catherine froze in her position in the middle of the hallway, drawing glances from the techs in the nearby labs.

Needing privacy, she quickly entered her office before replying. "Oh my God, are they okay?"

Grissom paused again. "Greg's sore but okay, he has a dislocated shoulder."

Another pause. "Sara is in surgery Cath. She was shot."

Catherine gasped. "We'll be right their Gil. Give us twenty minutes." She didn't wait for a reply before hanging up.

Despite her strained relationship with Sara, she felt tears forming in her eyes.

After finding out that the young CSi's life was in danger, Catherine felt extremely guilty for her actions and lack of support for Sara in the last months, when it was obvious that she was struggling. She vowed to try and mend their relationship as soon as Sara was well again.

Catherine left her office in search of the boys, ready to break the news.

* * *

They had just finished their cups of coffee when Catherine entered the break room, eyes moist from unshed tears.

Nick knew instantly that something was wrong, and looked to Warrick to see fear in his eyes.

Warrick spoke first, "Cath, what's wrong?"

She spared no time in breaking the news. "Sara is in the hospital. She was shot at a crime scene. We need to get to Desert Palms. Now."

They were on their feet and headed for the door even before she finished speaking.

One of their own was in trouble, no force on the planet, not even the wrath of Ecklie, could keep them away from that hospital.

* * *

Catherine, Nick and Warrick entered Greg's hospital room to see both Grissom and Greg sitting in silence.

Both CSIs looked up as they entered the room.

Sensing the questions to come, Grissom began to speak. "She's still in surgery. The doctor will come here to tell us the news as soon as he can."

"And how are you man?" Warrick asked Greg, who replied "okay" before returning his attention to the white sheets of his hospital bed.

Grissom explained that Greg had needed minor surgery to repair his shoulder and was being kept overnight for observation.

After this short conversation, silence filled the room as the group awaited news on their fallen colleague.

_

* * *

Greg felt the gun being removed from his head and sighed in relief. That was until he saw a single bullet leave his captors gun, moving at startling speed, before hitting its unsuspecting target._

_Greg could only stare in shock as Sara fell to her knees in a daze. He ran to her, ignoring his own injuries, and lifted her shoulders to cradle her shivering and pained filled body. _

_Blood had begun to spread across the hard wood floor. _

"_Sara! Please don't die on me!" Greg cried, as he felt her pulse slowing and her body cooling._

_Sara Sidle was about to lose her life and Greg could do nothing but watch._

Greg awoke with a start, to be met with worried and pained filled eyes. Catherinegrasped his hand, trying to comfort the young man.

"I couldn't stop it, Cath. I couldn't stop this from happening. I should have realized he was in the room earlier. This is all my fault." Greg rambled shakily.

Catherine felt tears, once again filling her eyes, as she thought of the toll this one day had taken on the whole team. Greg was visibly shaking, after no doubt relieving the event in his mind, Nick and Warrick had not spoken since they arrived at the hospital and Grissom refused to move from his position, even to clean the blood from his hands. She had urged him to go and clean himself up, but he had refused in fear that the doctor would arrive while he was gone.

Catherine never imagined that one event could change the entire team. Yet here they all sat, a total mess. She underestimated the strength that Sara had brought to the team.

"Greg, there was nothing you could do. And I'm sure Sara would not have it any other way. Sara would never have let anything happen to you Greg. It's just not her nature. She would do anything to save another life." Catherine spoke, trying to calm Greg.

Sensing the sincerity and respect in Catherine's words he smiled, knowing that she was right. Sara was extremely caring and passionate, in a scary sort of way, and would never have even thought of her own safety in that situation.

She had saved his life.

Greg found himself doing something he rarely if ever did. He prayed.

* * *

Thank you to everyone who reviewed!  
I'm glad you like the story, it is my first and I was really nervous.

And don't worry, Sara won't die!


	5. News

"We were able to stop most of the internal bleeding and removed the bullet from her abdomen. Fortunately, no serious damage was done to any of the major organs. I can say that the surgery was a success, but Miss Sidle is still far from being well. We will be keeping a very close eye on her condition over the next few days to ensure that the bleeding does not continue and that no infection occurs."

The group sat, absorbing the information just delivered to them by the surgeon.

"So she'll be okay?" Nick asked, wanting a clear answer from the doctor standing before them.

"She's not out of the woods yet. But as long as there are no complications, she should recover over time."

Not satisfied with the doctors answers, Grissom became more agitated. "When can we see her?" he asked impatiently.

"Mr. Grissom, as you are listed as her emergency contact, I can take you to visit her now. The rest of you will have to wait until visiting hours."

Nick opened his mouth to protest, but was silenced by a look from Catherine.

Grissom turned to the group uncertainly and after receiving nods of encouragement, as well as pleadings for updates, he followed the doctor out of the room and into the sterile hallway.

* * *

Grissom entered the room slowly, frightened of what he would find inside. As his eyes roamed over Sara's pale and still from, he could not help but let out a gasp of shock. 

He approached the bed and looked to the monitors connected to his sleeping colleague.

As a scientist, he needed evidence to reach his conclusions. Only after seeing and hearing her heartbeat, a steady beeping from a nearby machine, could he grasp the fact that Sara had not left him.

Grissom scolded himself for his thoughts as he realized that Sara was never his to lose. He had nearly lost her without ever really having her.

Determined to make that change, he reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly, whispering "I'm so sorry Sara".

* * *

Jim Brass followed the CSI's as they weaved their way around the endless corridors in search of Sara's room. 

He had received a phone call from Catherine a few hours before, but was unable to get to the hospital earlier.

He had been interviewing a suspect at the station and despite his anxiousness to get to the hospital, had decided to finish the interview. After all, what would Sara say if the suspect walked because he had rushed off to the hospital because of her?

Brass laughed at this thought, as he realized just how accurate this assumption would be. He could just imagine Sara, sitting in her hospital bed, lecturing him about letting a suspect get away. That was her nature, always striving for justice, always looking out for another's well being and Brass realized that was what he loved most about her. Not the romantic kind of love, but the fatherly kind, born from an unexplainable desire to protect her.

He did not know when this feeling first began. Perhaps it was when he found himself scolding her for her dangerous behavior, much like a father would scold a child, or perhaps when he had first smelt the alcohol on her breath, despite her best attempts to hide it.

But as they stepped into the hospital room, Brass knew one thing for sure. He knew that if Sara's shooter was not already dead, he would have killed him for what he did to her.

* * *

Grissom sat hunched over Sara's sleeping form. 

As they entered the room, he looked up, and Catherine recognized the expression on his face. It was the same look he wore when Holly had been killed, a look of regret and guilt. But Catherine also noticed something else in his gaze, something Gil rarely showed, absolute fear.

The normal calm and controlled scientist had bloodshot eyes from crying. Catherine had no doubt that Grissom truly loved Sara. She just hoped that this event would force him to take action, to find some happiness with the women that he loved.

Grissom slowly rose from his chair, allowing the others to move closer to the bed.

Nick and Warrick moved up first, as Catherine waited with Jim. Nick took hold of Sara's hand and began to talk softly to her. Catherine could not hear what he was saying, but from the tears forming in Warrick's eyes, she could guess that it was personal.

The three of them had always had there own group, there own jokes to share throughout a long shift. She knew that they had a strong relationship outside of work as well, one that had unfortunately suffered as a result of the shift changes.

The relationship between the three had been strained of late, from both lake of free time and the awkwardness the two men had felt in remaining friends with Sara but also staying loyal to their supervisor. Catherine had not realized before now, how the shift change and friction between them must have affected Sara. In that one day in the corridor, Sara nearly lost all of her contact with the swing shift.

And it was all her fault.

* * *

Questions? Comments? 


	6. Doubt

The first thing Sara noticed, as she awoke, was the intense pain radiating throughout her entire body. The searing pain in her abdomen caused her to gasp in shock. She carefully opened her eyes, sending a wave of dizziness and nausea to course throughout her body. Her vision was blurred and the room seemed to spin.

Through the haze, she could sense the presence of people in the room. They were looming over her, talking to her, in what seemed to be a foreign language. She tried to concentrate, to understand what they were saying. She felt if she were trapped in a nightmare.

Slowly, as she began to return to reality, she began to recognize the faces and their words.

"Sara...Thank God"

"It's okay Sara, stay calm. You are in the hospital"

She looked up to see the concerned eyes of her friends. Nick stood leaning over Catherine, who was in the chair by the bed. Warrick and Brass stood on the opposite side. She looked passed them all to see Grissom leaning against the wall. As their eyes met, Sara remembered the panic she had seen him display as he was leaning over her bleeding and broken body.

He had been the one holding pressure to her wound. He had kept her alive.

She began to recall other pieces of information. Memories of the events that had resulted in her present situation. These horrible memories assaulted her mind. She remembered the pain of the gunshot, she remembered Greg's eyes, full of fear, and she remembered pulling the trigger.

It was then that she realized that she had hit her target.  
She had shot Mick Reid. She had taken a human life.

She suddenly felt sick, felt the bile rising in her throat, and unwillingly emptied her stomach.

* * *

Five pairs of eyes focused on Sara, as they heard her moan. 

They all began speaking at once, each person trying to ensure to themselves that Sara was truly awake.

"Sara, can you hear us?" Nick asked worriedly as he noticed Sara open her eyes slightly. She gave no response.

Nick noticed Sara's increased confusion and panic as she tried to understand their words. Sensing her distress, he silenced the other occupants of the room with a raised hand and spoke softly to Sara. "It's okay Sara, stay calm. You are in the hospital"

He saw recognition in her eyes as her gaze wandered to each person surrounding her bed. She still did not speak.

Her search ended as she saw Grissom. As Sara continued to stare, Nick could swear he saw panic in her eyes.

If possible, Sara became even paler.

Nick watched in sadness and shock as Sara began to retching into a container that Warrick had retrieved just in time.

Sara was finally awake, but this ordeal was no where near over.

* * *

Grissom watched as a nurse entered the room, alerted by Brass after Sara had become sick. 

While everyone else was focused on the events in the room, Grissom took the opportunity to slip out unnoticed.

Walking down the corridor in a daze, he quickly found the bathroom and entered. Grissom stared at his reflection in the mirror, wondering what Sara had seen.

He felt panic and uncertainty swell in his heart as he contemplated Sara's reaction. She had not been happy to see him. Instead she had just stared.

Perhaps she believed the incident to be his fault. He had left them unprotected when he had left with the police officer.

Grissom froze as this thought crossed his mind. Could he have done something more? If he had only checked on them sooner, the incident could have been prevented. Sara would not be in a hospital bed, barely clinging to life.

Doubt, of his actions and feelings, continued to swirl in his mind. 'I couldn't protect her today, how could I possibly provide for her in the future? She didn't want me in her hospital room, she doesn't want me, I only hurt her'

Grissom exited the bathroom. He paused outside Sara's room and watched Sara sleep under the protective gaze of her friends. She was with those who cared for her.

He did not enter the room. Instead he continued walking until he reached the exit of the hospital. He had stayed to make sure Sara was alright. He had done that. It was time to leave and stop causing Sara pain.

'It's time I stop being selfish and let Sara move on with her life'

* * *

_Sorry for the delay. School has been hell!  
Thankyou to everyone for their support and advice. It is greatly appreciated.  
And pleasekeep those reviews coming!_


	7. Breakdown

The next time Sara opened her eyes, only Catherine was in the room.

From her position, she quietly observed Catherine sitting and reading a magazine. She opened her mouth to speak, but finding her throat dry, was racked with a series of violent coughs.

Startled, Catherine jumped up to retrieve Sara a drink, and gently helped her to take a few small sips. Leaning back tiredly, Sara smiled gratefully, totally caught off guard by Catherine's motherly attitude.

"Hey Sara, how are you feeling?" Catherine asked once Sara was situated comfortably.

"Sore" Sara spoke honestly, as she shifted and once again winced in pain. In another surprising move, Catherine reached over and rubbed Sara's arm until the pain had subsided.

"How's Greg?" Sara asked concerned for her partner and friend. She had realized he was absent in her brief moments of consciousness earlier and was concerned as to why.

Sensing Sara's anxiousness and worry Catherine explained quickly. "He's okay. He's stuck here overnight. Warrick is over there with him now." Hearing that Greg was okay, Sara began to ask about the others when Catherine cut her off. "The others had to go into work. Ecklie forced Nick into working as well, to cover for you and Greg. I swear, Nick was practically glued to your side."

Silence descended over the room, an uncomfortable silence as Sara stared at her hands, much like Catherine had seen Greg do earlier. Finally Sara broke the silence.

"Why are you here Catherine?" Sara asked bluntly, shocking Catherine. "Sara, I know we have never really gotten along, but I have always respected you. I want us to be friends."

Sara slowly, and painfully, turned away from Catherine before talking. "I don't need your pity."

"It's not pity. It's concern. When we first got here, everyone was devastated. You have made such an impact here, Sara. Greg wouldn't talk, Nick was almost in tears and Grissom, he….." Sensing dangerous territory, Catherine stopped speaking.

Sara turned back to Catherine curiously. "What? Catherine, tell me?"

"He seemed so worried Sara. He didn't move until we had talked to the doctor. And then you woke up and…."

Again Catherine paused, causing panic to swell within Sara.

"Catherine" Sara spoke prompting her to continue. "He didn't come back Sara. I'm sorry."

* * *

"_He didn't come back Sara. I'm sorry."_

Sara felt anger and disappointment building within her.

He had left before she could speak to him, before she could thank him. He was too devastated to move earlier, yet he walked out as soon as she awoke.

Thoughts swam throughout her tired brain, causing a splitting headache to form. For once in her life, Sara was utterly confused.

'He was worried that one his precious CSI's might die. After all, the lab needed her, didn't they?' Even as the thoughts crossed her mind, Sara felt guilty for thinking them.

Sara disregarded her earlier thoughts as she realized that over the years Grissom had proven that he indeed had feelings for her, whatever those feelings may be. He had called her honey, he had taken her home after her embarrassing trip to the station and he had comforted her as she had revealed her most horrible secret.

Sara's mind flashed back to the memory of that conversation in her apartment, and in particular the question she had asked him. A question that had weighed on her mind all her life and had finally been confirmed.

There was a murder gene.

Sara felt herself becoming sick again and gulped to keep down the growing nausea.

That was why Grissom had run. He was a man who had dedicated his entire life to finding the truth, seeking justice. And she had become the one thing that he had fought so hard to put behind bars. A murderer. She had killed, just as her mother had killed her father. She had pulled the trigger of her gun and ripped away the life of a human being.

The logical side of her brain was telling her that it was self defense. That she had only done it to protect the lives of those in the room. But the other side, her emotional side, the side that always seemed to surface despite her efforts to keep it hidden, was insisting that there was another way, that she could have tried better to convince him, that she could have shot him in the leg, incapacitating him instead of killing him.

Despite all of her fear and best efforts, Sara was convinced that she had just turned into her mother.

When faced with abuse, her mother had taken the easy way out. She did not call the police or ask for help. She resorted to stabbing her abusive husband nine times with a kitchen knife.

Sara was convinced she had done the same thing. She had killed a man when she could have taken so many different actions. It was simply easier to shoot him dead.

'No wonder Grissom doesn't want me. I'm a monster.'

* * *

Catherine noticed Sara's increased agitation and labored breathing. She looked down to see Sara's hands trembling violently. Shocked and frightened, Catherine grasped Sara's hands trying to still their spastic movement. 

"Sara, what's wrong? Talk to me please?" Catherine asked as she perched herself on Sara's bed and gently held the young brunette.

"Sara, you're starting to scare me. Please talk to me" Catherine pleaded.

Tears had begun to spill from Sara's eyes, as Catherine rocked her, ever mindful of her injuries.

It was then that Catherine realized that Sara was mumbling under her breath. Most of her speech was incoherent, but what she could understand caused her to gasp in shock, and hold Sara even tighter.

"I killed him. He's dead. I'm a monster. I'm a killer"

Suddenly, a machine beside Sara began beeping wildly. In her increased panic and hysteria, Sara's pulse had hit the roof. Nurses appeared in the room, shoving Catherine of the bed roughly and shooting Sara up with as many sedatives as her body would allow.

It seemed like hours before the constant beeping began to fade, and Sara slowly drifted off to sleep. The nurses excited the room, shooting Catherine apologetic looks as they did so. Catherine was again left alone with Sara.

Catherine silently slid into a sitting position against a nearby wall and allowed the tears to come.

* * *

_Please let me know what you think.  
Is it good? Totally boring?  
I'm open to any ideas or suggestions. Thanks_


	8. Confrontation

"My legs still work" Greg complained as Warrick slowly wheeled him down the corridor. He had been given the all clear and had been released, only after suffering this one last embarrassment. He wasn't allowed out of the wheelchair until he had left the hospital grounds.

As Greg continued to curse under his breath, Warrick let out a chuckle, relieved that Greg was reverting back to form.

Warrick came to a stop as they neared Sara's door. From the opposite side of the hallway, Nick was also approaching, just having gotten off shift. Nick waited patiently as Warrick maneuvered Greg into the room before exiting with Catherine in tow. They all knew that Greg needed some time alone with Sara.

Both men noticed the signs of crying on Catherine's face. Her eyes were red and puffy and she appeared tense.

"What's wrong Cath?" Warrick asked concerned for his supervisor and friend.

Catherine remained quiet. The men watched her silent battle as she decided whether or not to confide in them. Finally, her fear and worry winning out, she explained to them the situation that had occurred earlier.

"She was fine at first, tired and sore, but awake and talking. And then she went quiet and she wouldn't respond. She started shaking and I couldn't get her to stop, I couldn't get her to tell me what was wrong. The nurses had to sedate her. I totally freaked. I've never seen Sara act the way." Catherine explained, becoming emotional again. Sensing her distress, Warrick put a comforting arm around her.

"What set her off? Something must have happened." Nick questioned.

"I mentioned Grissom." Catherine stated, deducing that that particular comment had been the one to cause Sara's attack.

Catherine noticed Nick's eyes darken as she mentioned his former supervisor's name, and shot him a questioning glance.

"Grissom was acting strange all through shift. He locked himself in his office to do paperwork and when I did speak to him he acted as if nothing had happened. Like Sara wasn't lying in a hospital bed with a gaping hole in her side. Sometimes his emotional detachment routine really pisses me off." Nick ranted.

"I'll talk to him when I go in for shift. I know that Sara could really use his support right now. What ever happened at the scene, it really did a number on her." Catherine was careful not to go into detail about the specifics of Sara's breakdown, what she had heard, as she knew Sara would not be happy to have her problems spread around.

After Nick promised to watch both Greg and Sara, Catherine and Warrick reluctantly left to catch a few hours of sleep before they had to go in for work.

* * *

Greg sat patiently, holding Sara's hand tightly. He was careful not to disrupt any of the IV's.

He had been sitting in the room for forty-five minutes, before Sara had begun to stir. As she slowly opened her eyes, Greg panicked, unsure what he would say to the women who had saved his life. Should he thank her? Should he simply pretend that it had never happened?

As Sara noticed him by her side, her eyes filled with tears, and he cradled her with his good arm.

"We almost died today Greg" Sara cried. Greg felt tears falling down his cheeks as Sara sobbed uncontrollably.

"But we didn't Sar. You saved us." Greg assured her.

"Not everyone survived" Sara continued. Greg was at a loss for words.

'What is she talking about? We both survived.' Greg thought.

When Greg finally realized what she was talking about, the shooting of Mick Reid, he felt his heart break at her obvious pain and guilt.

"You did what you had to do Sara. You saved us. I cannot even begin to thank you for what you have done for me. You're my hero" Greg tried to joke, but did not receive the desired response.

"You did what you where trained to do. You took out the source of the danger. This is not your fault Sara. You did not force that man to take me hostage. You did not force him to murder his girlfriend. He got what he deserved Sara."

His thanks and assurances where the only thing he could give her. Greg hoped that that would be enough.

* * *

Grissom looked up from his papers as Catherine entered the room and sat down in front of his desk. At first she was silent, as if she was building up the courage to speak.

"Where did you go Gil?" Catherine asked finally.

"Isn't it obvious? I came to work"

"That's not what I meant and you know it. Why did you leave the hospital? Sara needs you, Gil"

Grissom scoffed in disbelief at Catherine's words.

'Sara does not need me. Why would she need a grumpy, middle aged man?'

"I don't need to justify myself to you" Grissom responded, becoming defensive.

"Well are you going to justify it to Sara? Are you going to explain to her why you are here, while she is in a hospital in both physical and emotional pain?"

"Catherine, stay out of this" Grissom warned, his voice raising as the anger built inside him.

'How dare Catherine of all people, the one person who has been cruelest to Sara, lecture me on how to treat her' Grissom thought, before voicing that exact opinion.

"Since when do you give a crap about Sara?"

"Since about an hour ago when she had a breakdown in my arm's" Catherine did not mean to divulge that information, but in her anger, had accidentally let it slip.

It was Grissom's turn to be silent as he thought.

'Sara had a breakdown? How could my presence possibly help her? The last time she saw me, she was physically ill. Obviously my presence only upsets her. I cannot help her.'

"I can't do anything to help. Now do you mind leaving, I have an accident report to fill out?" Grissom spoke, shocking Catherine.

"You can't be serious." Catherine waited for him to tell her otherwise. Grissom only shifted his attention back to his work. He had made his decision and would not change it.

Sara deserved better.

Catherine got up angrily and headed for the door, before pausing.

"You know Gil; sometimes I truly believe that you are the biggest asshole on the planet."

Grissom was left alone again to think. Tears began to pool in his eyes, but he would not let himself cry.

'I'm doing what's right. I'm protecting Sara by giving her the space she needs to continue her life. She's better off with someone else, someone who can protect her. I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the right thing."

Grissom hoped that if he repeated it to himself enough times, he might finally be able to accept it.


	9. Home

Warrick gently laid Sara on her bed. It had been two weeks since the shooting and Sara had only just been released from the hospital.

Nick, Catherine and Greg also entered the room behind Warrick. The group had decided that they would all take turns helping Sara as they did not think she was able to cope on her own just yet.

Catherine perched on the bed as the three men remained at the door. "Sara, do you want anything?" Catherine asked concerned for her friend. She was happy to say that over the last few weeks the two women had begun to form a friendship. They had talked about many things, but not about what had occurred in the hospital that first day.

"I'm okay guys. I'm just tired." Sara answered closing her eyes. Her recovery was going well, but it would be quiet a while before she was up to full strength. The doctor had predicted another month or so before Sara would be able to get back on her feet, and another two until she would be ready for work. Her wound was in such a place that it had made standing and movement quiet painful, with a great risk of pulling her stitches. Clear proof of how badly Sara was feeling was that she had fully agreed to the time off to recover, which had come as a surprise to the group. Catherine suspected this was just as much out of avoidance of Grissom as for her health.

Grissom had not returned to the hospital after his conversation with Catherine. It had been tense at work since then, with Grissom's avoidance and the others too angry to attempt to speak to him. Catherine hoped that Grissom would change his mind and talk to Sara, who had been very withdrawn since the incident.

The four exited the room quietly to allow Sara to sleep.

Catherine began to slowly admire the rest of Sara's apartment, never having been there before. It was nothing like she had suspected. From the amount of time Sara spent at the lab, Catherine assumed Sara's place would be tidy and sterile from disuse. Her home was exactly the opposite.

Her walls, a warm purple color, were covered with paintings and photographs. As she came carefully looked at each photo, she recognized Sara's unique signature at the bottom of each. She had no idea that Sara enjoyed photography. 'She is quiet good." Catherine thought as she continued to admire her work. The photos covered a wide range of subjects, from landscapes, to people she assumed to be friends from San Francisco. Catherine thought it strange that there were no images of Sara's family.

She turned to Sara's cluttered desk and stared in disbelief and she noticed the single potted plant sitting by its side. 'I really hope that Grissom pulls his act together soon, because next time Sara won't let a stupid plant stop her from leaving.'

* * *

Greg had agreed to stay with Sara why the others were working. He was currently sitting on Sara's couch staring blindly at the television.

Feeling pain in his arm, he rose and went to the kitchen to retrieve his medication. Swallowing the pain killers, he fetched two more, before filling another glass of water and heading towards Sara's room.

When he entered, he saw Sara curled up on her side, sleeping peacefully. He did not want to wake her but he knew that she would wake in terrible pain later if he did not.

He sat on her bed and brought his hand to her shoulder, rubbing it gently. "Sara, you need to wake up for me."

She groaned loudly and tried to move away from him. She stopped when she gasped in pain. Obviously he had been late with the pain medication. The downside of being home was that she did not have a constant stream of morphine being fed into her system. He had joked with her before leaving the hospital, that she would be hooked on the stuff before she left.

He helped her sit and gulp down the tablets. "Thanks Greg" She smiled weakly at him as she settled back into the pillows. "Can I get you anything?" Greg asked as he stood to leave.

She shook her head and grasped his hand, trying to stop him from leaving. Unfortunately she had pulled at his sore arm. He pulled his hand away violently, swearing loudly as pain ripped into his shoulder.

He immediately regretted his reaction when he noticed the silent tears running down Sara's face.

"Sara, no don't cry. I'm sorry. I over reacted. I'm okay."

He tried to assure Sara. He knew that she had not been in control of her emotions the last few weeks. Earlier that week Nick had found her crying because she couldn't turn the TV on with the hospitals remote. She was definitely not herself.

"I can't seem to do anything right. All I do is hurt people" Sara cried.

Not knowing how to respond, he did the only thing he could think of, he hugged her.

It did not take long before Sara was asleep in his arms.

* * *

When the three CSI's entered the break room, Sophia and Grissom were working at the table. Ignoring them, they went to the couches at the side.

Being polite, Sophia turned to them and asked, "How's Sara doing?"

"She's okay; she got out of the hospital earlier today. It's nice to see you care." The last part of Nick's statement was not directed at Sophia, but at Grissom. An angry glare accompanied his words.

Grissom did not even look up, obviously ignoring their exchange.

Catherine quickly handed out assignments, trying to get out of the room as quickly as possible. Sensing the tense situation, Sophia had already left to check on some results. Warrick and Nick followed her shortly after.

She got up to leave, when Grissom's voice stopped her.

"Tell her I am glad she is okay." Grissom requested.

"Tell her yourself" Catherine replied angrily and fled the room.

Grissom was once again left in silence.

* * *

_Please Review! Your opinions are greatly appreciated!_


	10. Anger

Catherine woke with a start. Loud banging could be heard from the front door.

Realizing that Sara was still sleeping, she rose quickly and headed to the door to silence whoever was making all the racket.

When she finally got the deadbolt open, she could do nothing but stare in shock.

Standing at the door was an obviously nervous Gil Grissom.

"Catherine…I…uh..." Grissom stammered. He had not realized that Sara would not be alone.

"What do you want Gil? Sara's sleeping." Catherine spoke.

She was not expecting the reply she received.

"No she's not." The answer did not come from Grissom, but from Sara, who was now standing at her bedroom door.

Momentarily forgetting Grissom, Catherine moved to escort Sara back to bed. "What the hell do you think you are doing walking around? Go back to bed"

"With all due respect Cath, this is my house and I'll do what I want." Sara spat out harshly, startling Catherine.

Instantly regretting her words, Sara smiled apologetically at Catherine. Catherine squeezed Sara's shoulder, a silent message that her outburst was understood and forgiven.

Catherine did understand Sara's outburst. Her injuries were keeping her restricted. That coupled with the surprise and anger at Grissom's sudden appearance, she understood Sara's frustration and anger.

"What do you want Grissom?" Sara asked, echoing Catherine's earlier question.

"I...uh... I wanted to check up on you. I should have come sooner but…"

Sara cut him off. "Your right, you should have come sooner."

Silence filled the room as Sara slowly lowered herself onto the couch.

Grissom, who was still standing outside the apartment, stepped in hesitantly and closed the door.

"Catherine, do you mind giving us a few moments alone?" Grissom asked.

"Catherine's not going anywhere. If you want to talk, talk." From her position at the back of the room, Catherine could not help but smile at Sara's authoritive and intimidating tone.

"But it would be easier if we had some privacy. This is very uncomfortable for me."

"Aww, did you hear that Cath? The almighty Gil Grissom is uncomfortable." Grissom was not expecting this sarcasm and teasing from Sara.

Sara did not know why she was suddenly angry. She was never expecting him to actually visit; she had convinced herself that he was angry at her for her actions. Yet here he was, not even the slightest bit angry. Sara could not help but feel that he had betrayed her. 'If he isn't angry with me, why didn't he visit earlier? Do I mean that little to him that he will only visit when he can no longer use work as an excuse?'

When Grissom had not returned to the hospital in the days following his sudden departure, Nick and Warrick had assured her that Grissom was unable to visit because Ecklie was 'riding his ass' .As days, and then a week passed, Sara had stopped expecting him to make an appearance and had excepted his hatred of her. But now she knew it wasn't hatred or disgust that kept him away. It was something worse.

"Sara, I came to apologize. All week I haven't been able to stop thinking of you, of what I did. It's been tearing me up inside."

"What a surprise, Grissom is only thinking of himself. Instead of thinking about yourself for a change, how about you ask me how I am?"

Again, Grissom was utterly shocked by her harsh words.

"How are you feeling Sara?"

"Shit. I ache all over, my abdomen feels like it is being ripped apart every time I move, I can't sleep because every time I do have terrible nightmares and I can't look in a mirror without seeing my mother staring back at me. And all you are worried about is yourself!"

She stood suddenly, coming face to face with Grissom. "I think you should leave. Now!"

Sara knew she was being irrational and stubborn but she did not care. All she knew was that she needed Grissom to leave before she broke down.

"Sara…" Catherine spoke up from the back of the room.

"Please Cath, don't question me on this."

"No Sara, that's not what I was going to say. Sara, you're bleeding"

Sara looked down in shock, to see a red stain spreading over her top.

"Oh God" Grissom gasped, as reached for Sara's arm as she began to sway.

As Grissom lowered Sara to the couch, Catherine had already called for an ambulance. She then disappeared, only to return moments later with a towel clutched in her hand.Catherine began to scold Sara as she placed the towel to her reopened wound. She began to talk, wanting to keep Sara alert.

"Didn't I say that you should have been in bed? You've reopened your stitches." Noticing the glare Grissom was directing at her, and the increased paleness of Sara's face, Catherine changed her tactic.

"It's okay Sara. The ambulance is on its way. This just means that you will have to spend even more time at home."

Catherine joked. Sara smiled up at her weakly.

At that moment the paramedics arrived, sirens blaring, and proceeded to check Sara over. Soon, Sara was placed on a gurney and loaded into the ambulance.

Ignoring Catherine's gaze, Grissom followed the paramedics inside and grasped Sara's hand.

As the doors were closed, Catherine yelled "I'll meet you there!"

Grissom once again found himself speeding down the streets of Las Vegas. He had been in the ambulance when Sara had first been shot. He could remember those moments with clarity. He remembered the technical shouts of the paramedics, the blood and the fear that he was watching a loved one die.

As Grissom looked down at the blood on his hands, he felt that fear rising again.


	11. Resolution

The second time Sara awoke in the hospital, she was met with a much different sight then the one from her first visit. Sitting by her bedside, was the one and only Gil Grissom.

"Sara, how are you feeling?"

Not having the strength to make a smart comment, Sara only groaned in response.

"Grissom, what are you doing here?" Sara asked totally confused.

"I...uh...I want to be here, to make sure that your okay."

Sara could not keep in her laugh of disbelief.

"Why the sudden change? You made it plainly obvious that you didn't want to see me, that you didn't care." Sara questioned, the hurt and anger beginning to rise again.

"I did care Sara, more than you know. I was scared Sara, I didn't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me? I had a bullet in me. How could you possibly hurt me more?"

Grissom sighed, before continuing. "Not like that Sara, I thought that you deserved someone better. Someone who could protect you."

"You think I need protection" Sara exclaimed, raising her voice.

"God no, Sara. You're the strongest person I have ever met. It's just, when you looked at me; your gaze was so…so cold"

Seeing Sara's puzzlement, he paused in frustration. "I can't explain it."

"Grissom, please try."

The pleading look in her eyes forced him to continue. "I thought you might blame me for what happened. I couldn't handle that hatred and disappointment. Not from you."

Sara felt tears forming on her eyes. "So you don't hate me?"

"Never Sara. I kept myself way because of my own fears. I never even thought of how my actions would affect you, not until it was too late. When I realized my mistake, I came straight to see you."

"And all I did was scream at you" Sara said, turning her attention to her hands, not able to meet his eyes.

"I don't blame you Sara. After all you have been through it is entirely understandable."

"I never scream Grissom, never. But today I just couldn't stop. I was so angry. What am I becoming?"

"Sara…"

"I killed a person."

Seeing the tears flowing from her eyes, Grissom slowly and unsurely reached out to her. When she melted into his embrace, Grissom felt relief wash over him. He continued to hold her tightly as she sobbed.

"Sara, you didn't kill anyone."

"But I did. I shot him"

"No Sara. He killed himself. His life was over the minute he grabbed Greg. The man's blood alcohol level was through the roof. With someone that drunk holding a gun, there was no way the situation could have ended happily. You did what you had to, to save a friend's life. You're nothing like your mother. She was only looking out for her own wellbeing; she took the easy way out. You're nothing like her. You're intelligent and caring. You always look out for others before yourself. That's one of the reasons I love you."

Sara could only stare at Grissom in shock. Only just realizing what he had let slip, Grissom blushed and opened his mouth to explain. But Sara spoke first.

"What did you say?"

"That it's not your fault." Grissom said sheepishly.

"Don't start with me Gil. Indulge the injured women."

"I love you Sara." Grissom's statement was rewarded with a genuine Sara Sidle smile.

"Good, because I love you too"

Silence filled the room as both CSI's contemplated their revelations. After some time, Sara wrapped her arms around Grissom and snuggled closer.

"It really wasn't your fault Sara"

"And it wasn't yours" Sara replied, drawing a smile from Grissom.

"Will you be okay?" Grissom asked worriedly.

"I will now" Sara replied as she drifted off to sleep in the arms of the man she loved.

* * *

From the doorway, Catherine watched in shock as Grissom kissed the sleeping woman's forehead. She slowly and quietly backed up, not wanting to disturb the couple in the hospital room.

She couldn't help but smile. 'I think everything is going to be alright."

THE END

* * *

_So that's the end of the story. I couldn't help but give it a happy ending. I decided to resolve the problems, but still leave some question to Sara's recovery and their new relationship._

_What did you think?_

_A big thank-you to all those who posted reviews to this story. They helped a lot; they motivated me to continue writing even with a tonne of school work bogging me down._

_Thank-you, Hayesfever_


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